Thursday, 21 June 2012

The eternal irony of existence a.k.a. things never work out quite the way you think they will a.k.a. Seriously?!? What the F&%???!!!

Not much been going down this week so I have dedicated this rambling and disjointed post to the randomness of life in general and just some dumb stuff I've thought this week and I ask what does it meeeaaaaan?

But first a digression into vocabulary to set up the post appropriately:

Ever since Alanis released her song in the 90's I've been a bit confused about the meaning of the word irony. The Macmillan dictionary defines it as follows....

Irony [UNCOUNTABLE] a form of humour in which you use words to express the opposite of what the words really mean
‘You’ve been so kind,’ she said, her voice heavy with irony.
a touch/trace/hint of irony: His writing contains a cheerful touch of irony.

[COUNTABLE/UNCOUNTABLE] a strange, funny, or sad situation in which things happen in the opposite way to what you would expect
tragic/bitter/cruel irony: By a cruel irony, General Franklin was killed at the very moment of his army’s great victory.
the irony (of something) is that: The irony is that it would have been faster to have taken the back roads after all.

(FYI this is versus sarcasm which is defined as... the activity of saying or writing the opposite of what you mean, or of speaking in a way intended to make someone else feel stupid or show them that you are angry. No, really????)

An intellectually superior (this is sarcasm) ex-boyfriend once told me that the Alanis song (which I liked at the time) misused the word irony. If the Macmillan dictionary definition is correct then Alanis wasn't far off... unless she actually changed the use of the word ironic... (p.s. he was a dick - this is neither ironic nor sarcastic.. it is merely accurate!)

So here we go - things recently that have made me go Seriously!?! WTF???!!!

1.This year I was going to study film-making but I thought... I want just one year of not being totally broke so I'm going to work this year buy a new car, pay off some debt, enjoy my life, and then next year I'll study.. .nek minnit... Lost job (recession)... car costing fortune... more broke than ever before  (can't do anything that costs anything )...WTF?

2. (This contains Game of Thrones season 1 spoilers so skip if you don't want to know...) The irony of watching Sean Bean in a program and thinking 'at last Sean Bean has a part where he gets to live to the end of the series and isn't a traitor of some sort' (see Boromir and the rest of Mr Beans body of work...) Well... Game of Thrones viewers know how that one ended!

PS below is a link to the Sean Bean death reel... Interesting fact "Sean Bean dies' comes up as one of the top searches on Google when you type in the name Sean Bean - maybe I was being a little naive thinking he would make it to the end of G.O.T.

3. This morning I got aggressively cut off from entering the motorway by a Christian radio and television sales rep. (Really - he had Rhema  and Shine TV logo's on his car and everything!) He gave me the dismissive sour face and almost drove me off the road anyway.... DUDE??!! WHAT WOULD JESUS DO!!

4. Don't know if this is ironic or not but it was a comment on the effect of media, film making, reality vs fiction in the modern world and gossip magazines on simple minded people like moi... the other day I was walking through a book store and saw a back cover of a book with a photo on it. "Hey" I thought to myself, "that looks just like those photos of Ashton Kutcher I saw where he was dressed like Steve Jobs in the 70's" When I got to the front of the book I realised that it was the autobiography of.... Steve Jobs. So it was actually Steve Jobs in the 70's looking like Ashton Kutcher dressed to look like Steve Jobs in the 70's... how did it come to this? Why didn't I just think 'hey that looks like Steve Jobs?' When did fake real become more real than real. (another relevant question ... when everyone is starving on Survivor island... what are the camera crew eating? I have visions of all these people on one side in their loin cloths fashioned from animal intestines and what's left of their sleeping bags, eating bugs and drinking their own urine and on the other side there's a camera man eating a burger chilling in a comfy chair under an umbrella next to the catering table. It kind of takes the whole... survival thing out of Survivor. They should call it "SURVIVOR" (refer to sarcasm/ irony definitions above)

5. Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis. Why why why? How will I ever have a long lasting relationship when they couldn't make it. They've got an island dammit!!! How did this happen? When did hope die? It feels like  finding out that Snow White has been dumped by the prince after being discovered videoing herself involved in light bondage and MMF action with Doc and Sneezy in the palace pool house... it's just plain WRONG!

It's more than a little depressing. I just have to keep on reminding myself that it can also go the other way... e.g. Woman about to get evicted from house wins lottery or finally giving up on love and then meeting your soulmate in a parking garage. 

Case in point - I was having a poor me moment re. relationships a while ago and as I lay on my bed in the starfish of despair (this is when I lie in the middle of the bed on my back in a starfish position and yell 'why? why???' at the ceiling - normally I alternate between the starfish of despair and the clam shell of despondency - which is more like a foetal position and which, in opposition to the starfish,  involves whimpering and muttering of "why why??" rather than the full volume raging at the injustice of it all of the former), so as I lay there I thought - "I don't want to be Jennifer Aniston - always dating the John Mayers of life while the Angelina's run off with our Brad Pit (note to self:  avoid combining self pity and alcohol with online tabloids in future) Within a few weeks  of this this thought she was dating that super yummy Justin Theroux (who I have always had a serious crush on) I REALLY want to be Jennifer Aniston right now. You just never know when it's going to turn around.

Is it karma? I don't know, but it's good to remember that sometimes things just don't go your way for no good reason and not because of anything you've done... but then sometimes things do go your way for the exact same lack of reason. So be ready for it!

Below is a picture of Justin Theroux - metaphor for the week - sometimes you lose a Brad but sometimes you gain a Justin! (I am soo deep... yes that's also sarcasm)


  1. haha!!! that last part about brangelina / jennifer etc. fuckin gold. although I do dearly hope the lose / win metaphor used is sarcasm! x

  2. hahahahahah the starfish of despair and the clam shell of despondency !!!!!!!!!! soooo funny

    1. we've all been there! x (it's the demon gin and the devil rum I tell ya)