In this week's blog.... I'm not pissed off, I read 50 Shades of Grey and I attempt to make a green smoothie.
I has come to my attention (thank you flatmate) that I'm the a bit like the Alanis Morrisette of blogging i.e. I do it better when I'm pissed off. Yet as spring is sprunging and I'm still working through the jumbo box of shortbread I got for my birthday, I find that I am only able to work myself up into a state of mild annoyance. True it vexes me that the temperature is only going up slowly and that I only have a half a box of shortbread left and that the world is due to end in a couple of months (thanks Mayan Calendar!) so making any real effort to exercise seems like a waste of time because I won't need to worry about January beach time (which makes my thighs happy but my heart sad).
In spite of all these very real and pressing issues, I'm still pretty darn cheerful. Not really sure why - but I'll take it. I think that part of it might be waking up after 7 if the morning. It's amazing what a difference working with your actual body clock does. Maybe it was the green smoothie.... but more about that later.
For those of you who have read 50 Shades or possibly intend to do an "audio book read by Morgan Freeman" listening party. I have a little game for you... The Fifty Shades of Grey Drinking Game... yay.
I was introduced to these games by my brother (e.g. the rap video drinking game.... dude grabs his crotch... drink... ho shakes booty into camera... drink and so on)
So here it is get some friends or do it on your own...
Fifty Shades of Drinkin'... every time someone in the book raises an eyebrow..... drink... if the eyebrow raise is described with an adverb... drink again (e.g. he raised his eyebrow sardonically) every time Anastasia Steele (yeah I know, don't get me started on the name) incorrectly calls her conscious critical mind her subconscious... drink (and then drink again as you try to figure out how she got her four year English degree from a prestigious university that is saving the world from famine through Christian Grey funded research and STILL doesn't know what a subconscious is), every time you read the phrase "Inner Goddess".... drink, every time Anastasia has a highly unfeasible orgasm... drink, every time she describes Mr Grey's trousers... drink! By page 82 you will be completely hammered, which is probably the best way to get through the rest of the book.
Having said that - I finished it without the aid of alcohol and was very disappointed no-one got to use the butt-plugs from the giant butt-plug drawer in the "Red Room of Pain" (oh E. L. James you tease - good work with the nipple clamps though)
After that I needed something healthy to cleanse myself of the bad influence of trashy literature. And so I turned to the green smoothie pledge I made... yes my friends I made one and drank it too.
Unfortunately,while I may be the Alanis of blogging, I am also the Mr Bean of domesticity. Please try to watch the video without judgement.
Many thanks to my poor long suffering flatmate for having the courage to film me trying to work a blender.